It has reportedly been a week since the last log entry. It did not feel like that amount of time, or any amount of time. Time still goes on at its pace, and for now, I fought off the urges to disable or hide my wall chronometer. This log entry is going to be peculiar.
I had learned that some of my measuring devices I lent Garlond Ironworks were destroyed beyond repair. The room they sat in became more empty. I have been given generous prices for the loan, and suitable compensation for the item's destructions. But it isn't about these items.
I have worked under assumptions, and reoriented those assumptions as needed be. Only twelve years ago, the aetherologic community at large thought of Aethernet strands as direct rays rather than a condensation that progressively dissipates and reorganizes, but the changes in the ways this principle was seen allowed for improvements. The changes to the aethereal forces of light and darkness, and their influence on astral and umbral polarities will lead to improvements, already have in fact. It isn't about that.
I do not know what -it- is. And my entire life's work is to figure out -it-s and crack them open. To simplify. Except there is no known thread to follow, no work that I can do effectively either. I didn't always need the tools I had, but I got used to them.
There is one type of research I should still be able to do. Should be able to do even better than before. The one these logs are about. It's starlight celebration out there, friends are exchanging gifts and wishes and making plans to see plays and choirs and whatever else, fertile grounds for this research. But fertile grounds must be cultivated.
I have not yet related any concrete events in the past week because there hasn't been anything worthy of note. No strange party, no unexpected encounter, no reunion turned horribly right. No wonder either, the only real outings I had made were getting groceries, and, when they ran out, going to a diner before getting groceries again. Which felt weird because it felt like I had just did that the day before, but it was actually five days ago, so this was strange.
No stranger than my current situation. It actively fights me as well. When I try to figure the issue out, my inability to have it figured out discourages me from trying to figuring out. This does not make any logical sense. Meaning, of course, that the answer is emotional, not logical. I am not so far gone that I believe myself above emotions, but, there are no strong feelings on the forefront. I feel lost, after the sudden changes in... Everything quite frankly, sure, but I've felt lost before.
Every hypothesis. Every guess more accurately is simply another reason to tell myself this is silly. Maybe it's the cold. Maybe it's tiredness. Maybe it's unreasonable expectations amidst a changing climate. Maybe it's a lack of recent companionship rather than simply a cause of it. Whatever -is- is. This still hasn't been established.
I have changed cushions off of their spots a few times before returning them where they were. I have eaten easy to make dishes, and went out to eat that one time. I have started reading books and stopped at the first pages. I have moved a sculpture out of its alignment. I have contemplated cleaning up a fallen bottle of wine some times but haven't touched it yet, three days after having taken noticed of it. This was my week. This, if nothing else, is my hope the next one will be different. Should I force trying to find solutions? Should I continue to figure it out, and in what ways will I get help if need be? As long as these questions are on my mind, even my nights will not let me rest.
